How should parents teach their children the Word of God? | Christian Education Training Course 8/8

The last part of our training course focusses on the important matter of how parents should teach their children the Word of God. This is at the same time a vast subject, and also one for which I feel most inadequate to speak on, not being a parent myself. Yet I hope that together we may consider some principles which may be of help to parents in this vital task.

The divine institution of marriage and the family

The family is a divine institution, and as such it is one of the greatest blessings that God has given to mankind. The LORD said to Adam, it is not good that man should be alone. He made Eve to be his help-meet, and through this first couple, the whole earth has been populated. We know from Eph. 5 that marriage is used to reflect the divine marriage relationship between Christ and His church. It is a creation ordinance, which means that God’s blessing of common grace rests on all marriages, whether they are made up by Christians or not. Although our fall man became separated from God and under His curse. But there are still two precious flowers that remain from the state of innocence: marriage and the sabbath.

Ultimately, a truly Christian family is only found where the cross of Jesus is at the centre of that family, and the family members meet Christ and each other at His cross. Then the marriage truly reflects the divine relationship between Christ and His people. The family should be like a miniature church, where the Lord is honoured and worshipped. Due to our fall in sin, we must all experience daily the consequences of the brokenness of this world. This also affects marriage and the family. Many families in our church consist of one brother or sister who attends church with their child(ren). This emphasises for us that it is not something we take for granted that the Christian can live in communion with other Christians.

Nevertheless, Paul declares the children of families with only one believing parent to be holy (1 Cor. 7:14). This word holy means that the children of believing parent(s) are sanctified and set apart by God. They enjoy special privileges. They are set apart from the world and consecrated to God.¹ This does not mean that by nature they are different from the children of the world. They have just the same corrupt nature as the child outside the church. But because of their incorporation into a Christian family, they are declared by God to be holy, clean. This reflects the covenant relationship that God has brought them into. He declared to Abraham, I will be thy God and the God of thy seed (Gen. 17:7). To confirm this covenant relationship, the LORD commands Abraham to circumcise his seed. And He promises to bless the faithful, God-fearing instruction of Abraham (Gen. 18:19). This covenant relationship does not mean that the children are necessarily regenerated. But it points to the spiritual reality which God works by His grace. The promises of God in Christ Jesus are made to them, but the promises must be fulfilled in the individual lives of the children by the application of the Holy Spirit. They must be born again, and be united to Christ. They must experience grace for themselves. Rom. 6 Paul speaks of baptism as pointing to our being crucified with Christ, and being raised with Him from the dead.

God works His grace particularly in the pathway of the covenant, through the Christian family. God’s church began with one family. The descendants of Seth were the godly seed, through which the promises of God were fulfilled. But there was also an ungodly seed, the descendants of Cain. Ultimately the promises of God to Noah, Abraham and David were fulfilled in the coming of the Messiah. The OT society was patriarchal, which means the head of the household was look up to for everything. We see that God’s blessing and His curse do not only come on individuals, but on whole families. Where the head of the family is God-fearing and obedient, this brings God’s blessing on the whole family. But when the head of the family is disobedient, His curse comes on all. God spared Noah’s and Lot’s families for their sakes. Joshua said, as for me and my house, we will serve the LORD (Josh. 24:15). Achan’s sin brought judgment upon both him and his family (Josh. 7:15, 24-25). David’s sin with Bathsheba and Uriah meant that the sword would never depart from his house (2 Sam. 12:10). From this we can conclude that God views parents and their children in a special way. They are not just a number of people who happen to live together, but they are united as an organic whole. Where only one partner is believing, the unbelieving spouse is sanctified by the believing partner.

In Peter’s sermon on the day of Pentecost he declares, the promise is unto you and to your children (Acts 2:37). This promise is in essence exactly the same as the promise the LORD made to Abraham in Gen. 17:7. The Jews would understand that God’s covenant promises that were in the past only for believing Jews and their offspring, now are for both Jew and Gentile, with their offspring. From Paul’s letters (especially 1 Cor. 7:14) we also observe the same covenant relationship. Now in the NT, the OT covenant sign of circumcision is replaced by baptism. Thus baptism is not the badge of my profession, but a sign of His grace to me, an unworthy sinner. In the OT, the sign of circumcision pointed to the need for a circumcision of our hearts (Jer. 4:4), and in the NT, baptism points us to the same spiritual reality: our need of washing by the blood of Christ and the renewing of the Holy Spirit (Acts 22:16). Children of believing parents should be baptised because of the covenant relationship into which they are born. They are under oaths to belong to God, as He declares in many places in His Word (Num. 8:17, Ezek. 16:21). This means that they have no right to live unto themselves, but are under obligation to be wholly set apart for Him.

Included in these covenant privileges is the responsibility of the parents to bring up their children in the fear and admonition of the Lord (Eph. 6:4). This means that when parent(s) present their child for baptism, they should promise before the congregation that they will do all in their power to bring up their child in the fear of the Lord. This points us to the necessity of parents educating their children. God pronounces His judgments on those families that call not on His Name (Jer. 10:25). Perhaps some parents now feel that this is an impossible task, beyond their capability. I hope that in these weeks of considering this topic you will feel encouraged that although it is difficult, it is not impossible. And in obedience to the commandments of the Lord always lies His richest blessing! He will pour out His blessing on your family, if you seek in all your weakness to honour Him in this important task.

Important principles

Important in instruction of (older) children is to show that you are truly interested in them and take time for them. Ask them questions. We see that Jesus asked more than 100 questions in the Gospels, whilst He knew all the answers. Seek to reach their hearts and have real conversations with them about what is important to them and you. This takes effort, but is very rewarding!

Today, the digital world is in danger of dominating everything in the life of children and parents, even young children. The mobile phone, TV or computer has become the up-bringer of many children, not their parents. Many parents have never had a good example to know how to bring up their children according to the Bible. But with God’s help it is possible! But it takes discipline and order, and you need to make a plan. Parents need to sit down and take time to consider how they will put their responsibility of teaching their children into practice, otherwise it will never happen.

What happens if we allow our children to be controlled by the digital world? They leave the real world behind and enter a virtual reality which is imaginary. We need to refocus our children on the real world. Plato used the imagery of a cave. When someone uses a lamp to make shadows on the wall, it seems real. But the real world is outside! Their parents have the beautiful task of leading their children out into the real world.

Most important is that the children have some sense of the reality of the relationship with God. Let us consider some aspects:

Live with eternity in your heart. If parents show by their lives that only the things of this life are important, then the children will naturally learn to think and act the same. Many Christian parents’ thinking is no different from the world: all they care about it is that their children are successful in this life, get a good job etc. They totally neglect their children’s souls. Let them sense that you care more for their souls that anything else.
Speak about the reality of a relationship with God. Many young people have never heard their parents speak about their relationship with the Lord. But if you really know and love Christ, then you will be able to say something of who He is, and how He has visited you with His salvation, like the Bride spoke of her Bridegroom in the Song of Solomon. This is incredibly important, that children hear and sense that God is a reality, and that His service isn’t just some outward form, but a spiritual reality!
Show children how important prayer and reading the Word is from your own example. Your children will be deeply affected if they sense that, in the midst of your busy life, there is always a time when you are quiet before the face of God. There was a godly father of a large family in England years ago, who had a place for prayer under the stairs. His children knew, when he went into that small room, nothing was allowed to disturb him. They sensed that this was this was the foundation of their father’s life, to commune with God in prayer and in His Word.
Switch off the mobile phone, computer and TV and go out into the natural world. Look together at God’s Creation. Calvin said that we learn something of God from even a blade of grass. We see in the reality of nature how great God is, that He made the stars and the galaxies by His fingers (not His hands!). Let us look in astonishment together at His wonderful works of Creation. At such a moment, a conversation can begin very naturally.
Work on building a personal bond with your child(ren). This doesn’t require a very special activity, but just do something together. But it does require that your children can look behind your mask, and into your heart! That is grace, if we may take off our mask of self-preservation which only hinders the relationship with the Other/other. Because of the power of the virtual digital world, it is necessary for parents to work harder at building real relationships.
Live before the face of the eternal God. The eternal world is reality, this life is only a short preparation for the unending ages of eternity. Remember the picture of the bird taking one grain of sand from the sea shore. Every day, and every moment has eternal consequences.
Get some good books, read them and encourage your children to read as soon as they are able. Reading is a precious gift to mankind. It trains the mind to think, it inspires the imagination, and opens new horizons. But we do need to read the right things! Not rubbish, but good Reformed books, sound children’s books.

A godly well-ordered family

Dear parents, I feel very conscious that I am not sufficient to speak to you on this subject, without being a father myself. But from concern for God’s blessing on you and your children, I hope the Lord will use these poor thoughts. If we consider what the Bible says, as well as our own experience, we see that most if not all the problems parents have with their children is because of their own failures. This is a painful truth to face, but it will help us to face reality.

According to the Scriptures, the father is called to be the head of the family. It is his calling (if he is a Christian) to be a priest for his wife and children, leading them in family worship and caring for their spiritual and physical well-being. His wife is given to him as a help-meet, which means in the original a suitable help. Matthew Henry said this, commenting on Gen. 2: 21, that the LORD God took a rib out of the side of Adam, and formed Eve: she was not made out of his head to rule over him, nor out of his feet to be trampled upon by him, but out of his side to be equal with him, under his arm to be protected by him, and near his heart to be beloved. This is a picture of a spiritual reality, because from the side of Christ the second Adam, his spouse the church was formed, when He slept the deep sleep of the death of the cross. His side was opened and there came out water and blood, blood to purchase the church and water to purify it to Himself. Matthew Henry also comments that in Deut. 6:5-7, after the commandment to love the LORD God with all our heart, soul, and might, follow immediately the duty to instruct their children diligently, v. 7. We see how the godly instruction of Timothy’s mother and grandmother were a means used for his salvation (2 Tim. 1:5).

a) Begin young

You cannot begin too young in instructing your child in the fear of God. What a blessing it is if even when it is still in the womb, the baby is prayed for. Even when it is a small baby, you can begin teaching it to pray, to put its hands together and close its eyes. Teach it simple prayers, and encourage it to pray for itself. Most important is to teach your child(ren) their need to pray for a new heart, of being born again by the Holy Spirit, and knowing the Lord Jesus Christ as our own Saviour. Read the Bible together as a family, and ask simple questions to help your child to understand what the passage is about. Sing a psalm together. This immediately brings us into a difficulty. Because if we as parents don’t understand the Bible, how can we explain it to our children? Firstly, we need to study and understand the Word and then we can explain it to our children. But perhaps you say, if I am not born again, how can I teach my children? How can I speak to them of who the Lord is, if I don’t know Him myself? I understand this is a great need. But in one sense it is a blessing to speak to your children from a sense of your spiritual need, rather than speak from a false peace. They will respect it that you are honest with them, and don’t pretend to be more than you are.

The weakness of Christian families and the powerful influence of the world on young people often has everything to do with a lack of a real religious education at home. Because they receive no sense of the reality of God and His service at home, they seek satisfaction in the world.

b) Order and content

Order is very important in a child’s upbringing. This gives them a sense of safety and purpose. In their religious instruction order is also vital. The content is equally important. Matthew Henry says, speak with liberty and trust about the Lord, when you are at home and when you walk by the way. The Puritans had fixed times when they worshipped the Lord together as a family, both morning and evening. That seems to be almost impossible today. But still, there are moments in the day when the family is together. The mealtime is such a moment. Here are some specific suggestions as to how to bring real content into your family worship.

Firstly, reading God’s Word together, at least twice a day. The child(ren) can have their own Bible when they are old enough. This encourages them to read the Bible for themselves. Take some time to ask some simple questions. If the passage is difficult to understand, you can find a commentary to help you. Secondly, if possible, have a time of Bible study together. Meditate over the passage together and discuss. Thirdly, one precious way of instructing your children is on the Lord’s Day for father to read aloud a chapter of a good book, for example about someone in church history. This can inspire the children to be interested in church history and the children sense the reality of God’s works in the past. Fourthly, prayer. Leading the family in prayer is especially task of the father, as priest of the family. He may lead them in worship, confession, supplication and thanksgiving. Central to prayer should be the need of saving faith in Christ. Also it is very good to pray for the congregation and for people who are sick, for the nation, for missionary work, the persecuted church and for the conversion of the Jewish people. When the father is not present, the task falls to mother to lead the children in family worship. One Puritan compared this to the sun and the moon. When the sun is present, the moon is in the background. But when the sun is absent, her sweet light may shine forth over the family. Also, it is good to encourage children to pray out loud regularly. In this way we look into each other’s hearts. Prayer is not preaching. Don’t pray a long theological prayer to try and impress others, but seek grace to humble yourselves before God’s face. A short prayer from a broken heart is of more value than a long beautiful prayer without heart (Matt. 6:7). Sometimes, the Lord’s Prayer may be the most suitable. Fifthly, singing. Luther said that when he felt spiritually weak and that the devil was attacking him, he sung the Psalms. Singing is a precious gift to mankind, it raises the heart, it warms the affections, and most importantly, it brings praise to the Lord. Again, your child(ren) can have their own psalm book. You can sing after the meal, and another good habit is to take time to sing together on the evening of the Lord’s day. We will consider the importance of the Lord’s Day later. We would like to encourage the learning of a psalm verse as a regular part of the education of our children. Every week, they can learn one stanza of a psalm. This is a very good habit, and something that they will probably not forget for the rest of their lives. Sixthly, teaching from the catechism. Seventhly, discussing the sermon. This is a very important habit to establish. Before we go to the church, we may ask a blessing for the preaching and for the preacher. Train them to remember and/or write down the points of the sermon, and train them how to listen to the sermon, explain how the sermon is made up of explanation and application. In time, you will be amazed how much your child can remember and understand of the preaching. If he or she knows they are going to be asked about their understanding of the sermon, this is a means to encourage them to listen well. They need to be trained to sit still and listen, and not to become frustrated if they cannot understand everything. Eighthly, ending the day or week with prayer. This is a good tradition if possible. But it should not be a replacement for personal prayer and Bible reading.

c) An empty inheritance

Many children growing up in so-called Christian families leave home with an empty inheritance. Even parents who profess to believe the Bible are often motivated by worldly success, money and possessions. Family worship as the key element that binds the family together around God’s Word hardly functions or is completely neglected. The family then becomes little more than a hotel where the members come and go as they please. There is no real bond between the family members. The mother often has to work so there is no stable home front. And when the family is together, the precious time that could be used to read a good book, pray, read and share together or sing the psalms is wasted by the distractions of the modern media. Such people like to be entertained, modern music and magazines are preferred to the spoken or written word. They don’t have the patience to read a good book. If they read at all, it’s just a novel. Such parents are unable to stand against the flood of ungodly influences that are sweeping into our families, and are unable to pass on to their children a true spiritual inheritance.

This is actually not a new problem. A 17^th Century Dutch minister Simon Oomius complained back in 1660: Christians have become worse than heretics and the heathen. Sin has reached such a height that everything is beloved and draws admiration, except God and the godly exercise of His worship. He who has the courage to press for catechising the children, prayer, the reading of God’s Word and singing the psalms is despised and mocked. Oomius adds, family worship is certainly a heavy task, but also a Biblical duty. In Deut. 6:6, 7 God requires nothing less than a new heart from us. As long as our families are not transformed into small churches, our churches cannot be pure and our state cannot be sanctified.

From Oomius’ words we can learn a vital lesson: Reformation must begin in the family. We believe God’s grace is so great, He can raise up a godly seed from nothing, as he has done in the lives of some of you. But equally, without godly parents, there is little expectation of a godly seed. The home should reflect the church in miniature. The church in Philippi began in the home of Lydia, when her heart was opened and her home became the first Christian congregation in Europe (Acts 16). Priscilla and Aquila’s home became a small church (Rom. 16:5, 1 Cor. 16:19). Nymphas’ home was also a congregation (Col. 4:15). Also, Paul writes to Archippus and to the church in his house (Philem. 1:2). Without being true members of the church of Christ, the church is little more than a cave of thieves, adulterers and atheists who plot together against God, says Oomius. A home where the Bible is closed and where no prayer and praise rise to God, is placed by God on the same level as the heathen that know Him not (Jer. 10:25).

d) Some further practical advice to parents in instructing their children

Reading the Word. As we mentioned already, the most suitable time to read the Word is when the family is together at meal times. This is also according to the words Moses and Jesus: man shall not live by bread alone, but by every word that proceedeth out of the mouth of God (Deut. 8:3, Matt. 4:4). Paul also writes to Timothy (2 Tim. 4:5), that the mercies of God are sanctified by the Word of God and prayer. Thus, not only prayer but also the Word are the means of sanctifying the goodness of God to us! Not, only should families read the Word together, but children should be taught to read the Word for themselves as soon as they can read. Encourage them to ask questions when they don’t understand something. Help them to learn verses of the Bible by heart, as well as Psalm verses. The memory of a child before 11 is like a sponge, they can very easily learn by heart. For example, you can learn a chapter of the Bible together as a family verse by verse, until you can recite it together! The Jews taught their children to recite the whole of the Pentateuch from memory. The Psalmist hid His Word in his heart (Ps. 119:11).

Instruction of the Word. Although there is certainly a great blessing in the reading of the Word, the Spirit normally works most powerfully when the Word is explained and applied to us. This is the duty of the father as the priest of the family. God does not require a theological explanation of the Bible, but it is vital that the meaning of the Word of God is made clear, and its message is applied to the hearts, consciences and lives of our children. What is sin, what does God require of me from His Word? What is grace? How does God work His grace in the life of a sinner? Who is Christ and what has He done in redemption?

Paul declares in Eph. 6:4, and ye fathers, provoke not your children to wrath, but bring them up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord. The word for wrath in the original also can be translated: to go over someone’s boundaries, or to encroach one’s neighbor’s property. In the same way that boundaries of land need to be clear to show what belongs to whom, so every individual, including our children, have boundaries that we must respect, and may not violate. How can we violate a child’s boundaries? By controlling them. For example, parents have great expectations of their children, and they require them to follow their will, and to help them to fulfill the life dream they had when they were young, but was never fulfilled. The child must fulfill the expectations of its parents. Some parents’ emotional and affectional needs were never met by their parents. Therefore, they seek such satisfaction from their children. If their children fail to satisfy them, then they try to control them by anger or by moral kidnapping. That is, they use love to get them to do what they want. For example, parents say, remember I’ve done everything for you. This puts a great pressure on the child, to do exactly what their parents expect of them, from a sense of guilt. Parents treat their children as an accessory, not as an individual created in the image of God. In fact, most Chinese parents don’t know how to respect their children as a human being. This means they treat them casually and don’t think about the principles of the Bible and the fact that they are made in the image of God. Another extreme is when parents do everything for their children. The result is that children become very self-centered, and cannot take responsibility to care for themselves or others. Others suffer psychological problems because of the unnatural relationships. They lack emotional care and Biblical guidance and instruction.

So how should parents (and particularly fathers) bring up their children? The answer of the Scriptures is: in the nurture and admonition of the Lord. Nurture here means training, or discipline. It means the active guiding of children towards maturity. Admonition means warning or ethical and corrective instruction. Both words point to training and correction from the Word of the Lord. This means that parents have no right to expect their children to fulfill their expectations, but their principle should be to guide them according to the will of God in His Word. Bonhoeffer said that we have no direct authority over another person, but only through the authority of the Word of God. The Word stands between us and them. We must deny ourselves to train them according to the Word and the commandments of God. We must die to our selfish will. They need to be corrected and guided by the staff of the Word. The Word is a lamp and a light to show us the way, but also a rod to correct us when we go astray. Children need clear Biblical principles and limits, so they know what they may and may not do: for example, respect, honesty, diligence, self-control. They need to be taught how they need a work of the Holy Spirit in their hearts, to be convicted of their sins, to receive a new heart, to be united to Jesus Christ by living faith and to live a life of holiness and gratitude to the praise of God. They need to be taught the unsearchable riches of Christ Jesus and of His grace to lost sinners. The father should speak to his family members of sin and grace, of judgment and forgiveness, of hell and heaven, of Adam and Christ. He should tell them what Christ has done in His life, death and resurrection, from the Word (Ps. 78:6, 7).

Prayer. Just as the church is called a house of prayer (Is. 56:7), so the church in miniature should be a place where prayer is offered up. To have a disciplined life of family prayer, firstly the father needs to understand the importance of prayer, that God is a prayer-hearing and prayer answering God, and that the devil hates more than anything families that pray to the Lord together. His Word shows how He hears His people’s prayer in their need. Isaac prayed for a child with Rebekah (Gen. 25:21) and He opened her womb. Hannah prayed for a child from the Lord (1 Sam. 1:11) and the Lord heard her prayer. A godly English woman called Rosalind Goforth (1864 – 1942) with her husband Jonathan were missionaries to China, in Henan province. They had 11 children, two of which died in infancy. She wrote a book called How I know God answers prayer. She experienced in miraculous ways how the Lord answered prayer in every type of need, often when things seemed totally hopeless. Jesus said that our hairs are all numbered, and that not one sparrow is forgotten by Him (Luk. 12:6). According to Rosalind, prayer should be something very natural, just like parents and children deal with each other. The family must flee for their lives in the Boxer uprising. Jonathan was attacked and stoned by the mob and fell to the ground almost dead. Rosalind prayed continually for her husband’s life. They managed to get to a small hut, where he was laid on the straw bed. They found that the village was all Islamic, so that they were protected from the mob. God had preserved them. Jonathan lay on the mat so pale that it seemed death was near. Suddenly Jonathan sat up and was completely recovered. In the midst of thousands of soldiers an Almighty hand preserved them from certain death. They could testify that one condition of God hearing His children’s prayer is that they have a clear conscience before God, and submit to His will in everything. Especially, Christ has left us His great example by praying to His Father continually.

Singing. The coming together of the congregation includes singing God’s praise. Thus the church in miniature should also be a place where the Lord is worshipped in singing the psalms. In this way, something of heaven is begun on earth, because in heaven, praise is sung to the Lord God continually. In history, the importance of singing God’s praise has been seen again and again. Gladys Aylward’s life proves this most wonderfully. Singing as a family draws our affections to God and to one another through His Word, and I have experienced how His richest blessing rests upon it, in the family of Gian. Oomius says: ‘we should sing with understanding and knowledge, that we might be instructed, we should also sing with gladness in our hearts, and we should seek to profit others through our singing, and above all we should sing to the Lord, to His praise, in remembrance of His blessings and in a sense of His divine presence, that we might stir up our spirits more and more toward God’.

Practice. The lack of true churches in miniature is often a result of the failure of the fathers in taking their responsibility as priest of the family. Firstly he needs to understand his duty as head of the home. Then he should equip himself for the task, by reading and study of the Word and suitable good books. The family also needs the help and support of the elders of the congregation in fulfilling this vital task. They must set a good example themselves as a church in miniature!

e) The importance and the blessing of the Lord’s Day

We said that the Sabbath is one of the two flowers left over from paradise. The flower of marriage and the flower of the sabbath are closely related. Both are precious gifts of God’s common grace to mankind, and especially to His people. Both are creation ordinances. In Gen. 2:2, 3 God rested from all His work of creation. We don’t read about man resting, but God. He gives us a divine example for our good. He has created us, and so He knows what we need. His blessing rests upon this day in a special way. He separated it from the other 6 days for Himself. One mark of saving grace is that the Sabbath becomes a precious day to you, and not like for so many in the church, as a burden, but a delight. They don’t love Christ, so they don’t love His day. Many people ask: can I do this or that on Sunday? Rather the question we should ask is: how may I spend God’s day most to His glory? Let us consider several aspects of the Lord’s Day in relation to the instruction of our children. Because the sabbath day is a wonderful gift to the godly, well-ordered family. They cherish it because it gives them time together to worship the Lord and to share together.

A day to stop and a day to rest

In Exod. 20:8-11, God commands Israel to remember the sabbath day to keep it holy. The word to remember has several meanings. The most important one here is to commemorate or observe. Just like a special day like your birthday, wedding anniversary etc. is a day you commemorate in a special way, you put on different clothes, have a special meal etc. God commands us to remember His day in a special way. We remember, or call to mind the wonderful works of God: His creation, Christ’s redemption, His resurrection from the dead, and the outpouring of the Holy Spirit, which both took place on the first day of the week. Also we should remember the day of Christ’s second coming, when He will come to judgment and He will bring His church to their eternal rest. The sabbath has been sanctified by God to be holy unto Him. God wants us to understand that not only objects and persons are holy, but also time is holy for Him. Thus it’s not our time, but it belongs to Him, and He gives it to us for a gracious purpose, to rest from our labours and to remember Him. Through the Sabbath, God reveals to us God’s divine wisdom. He knows when to stop, and He teaches us when we should stop. We should stop with the things that occupy us during the other 6 days of the week. It is a divine framework: 1 day of rest, 6 days of work. We stop with the things that occupy you during the other days: study, work, shopping, buying food, travelling, using your mobile phone or computer unnecessarily etc. Equally, it’s not an idle rest, but an active spiritual rest in the worship of God in His house and together as a family. It’s a day when the Triune God particularly works His grace in the hearts of lost sinners. Think of how many people Christ healed and saved on the sabbath. Christ rose from the dead to show His Almighty power over death and hell. The Holy Spirit was poured out on the Day of Pentecost which was on the Lord’s Day. In Lev. 23:1-3 the sabbath is described as a holy convocation or feast. This means that God calls His people together with the promise that He will particularly meet with them on this day. So dear parents, how important it is to teach your children the importance and the value of the Sabbath: to explain to them that it’s a day to commemorate, a day to stop and to rest, a day to remember the Lord and His works of creation and redemption.

The sabbath as sign of the covenant

In Exod. 31:12-17, God declares that the sabbath is a sign of the covenant between Him and His people. In the same way, the rainbow is a sign of God’s covenant with Noah. A sign is meant to remind us of something. The sabbath is a sign to remind us: that ye may know that I am the LORD that doth sanctify you (v. 13). God’s covenant implies the duty of remembering Him by keeping the sabbath as a day set apart for Him, and remembering what His covenant means. When Israel forgot the sabbath, it was a sign that they were covenant breakers (Amos 8:5, Jer. 17:21-23, Neh. 13, Is. 56:4). Just like rings are a sign of a couple’s marriage. The rings are a sign to remind the couple of their covenant relationship to each other. The deeper their marriage relationship becomes, the more meaning the rings have to them. In the same way, the sabbath as a token of God’s covenant of grace becomes more and more precious to God’s people, as they grow in grace and knowledge, because they see that it is His gift to them, that He might pour out His blessing on them on this day.

How to keep the sabbath day

It’s vital for us and for our children to have a well-planned Lord’s Day. This is one of the rich legacies of the Puritans. They had great expectations from the means of grace, and so sought to make the best use of every moment on the Lord’s Day. They said it is the market day of the soul. We may begin the day privately seeking the Lord in prayer and reading His Word. Then we come together to eat breakfast. If possible, the father prays for the day ahead, for the worship of God in His house, for the minister, and for the church both in this land and throughout the world. Sing a suitable psalm for the Lord’s day. Prepare the family for hearing the preaching of the Word. Remind the children what a serious and important thing it is to go to the house of God, and to hear His Word. Remember that every sermon we hear we will one day give an account of on the Day of Judgment. Train your children to listen to the preaching. After you return home, make an opportunity to speak about the preaching. Discuss the meaning and the application. Younger children can make a coloured picture about the subject.

For the mother, it’s an opportunity to make the day special: make a cake etc. In the evening, the father can read a good book out loud to the family, like a story of a missionary, or some church history. Then all can sing some psalms together, everyone can choose the psalm that they would like to sing. At the end of the day, the father can close the day in prayer. You will find that the blessing of the Lord will rest upon you, if you seek to honour Him as a family.

f) The blessing of children. (Photo of Gian’s family)

I would like to say something more about the important matter of the blessing of children. I understand that this subject for many is perhaps a painful and sensitive one. But honesty to the Word of God and a desire for your true blessing compels me to say these things. By reflecting on the difficulties we have mentioned in the relationship between parents and children it’s clear that many of these problems are directly caused by the fact that most parents have only one child. All the parents and grandparents’ attention (6 people!) is focussed on this one poor child. The child experiences an unbearable pressure and expectation. And for the (grand)parents it is also very damaging. They easily idolize their only (grand)child, and expect it to fulfil all their unmet needs. If we are really honest, we must admit that our thinking on bearing children and the family is often just like the world, totally godless and secular. Perhaps without realizing it we have believed the lies of satan and closed our ears to the Word of God. But it’s clear from the Word of God that we cannot disobey His will without bringing affliction and His displeasure upon us and hurting others. Before parents in China had no choice but to disobey God’s command to be fruitful and multiply. But now the law has been relaxed, it is your own guilt and to your own hurt if you refuse to listen to His Word.

Propaganda on the internet against giving birth to children. I have heard that there are many articles appearing on the internet that claim that giving birth to children is dangerous for the woman. These articles are without medical foundation and are wicked lies.

Let us look at some arguments why parents refuse the blessing of children: Firstly, some say, I am too weak. In some cases this can be true, but normally childbearing actually keeps a mother younger and healthier. Do we really believe that God created man and woman physically perfectly adapted to their different roles? Man’s body is created to be suited to heavy work. The woman’s body is built quite differently, and is suited to bearing children and caring for them. It cannot be true that God would command women to do something that is to their hurt. In fact, I know many mothers in Holland who can testify to the complete opposite. They have been rejuvenated by childbirth. I know a mother of 10 children. She told me that before she had children, she needed 8 hours sleep a night, now she only needs 5 hours.

Secondly, others say, it’s too busy, I can only cope with one child. But how do you know you can’t cope with more than one? It may be a lie of satan. You haven’t tried, so you don’t know! In fact, one child is the most difficult number to have, because you must constantly care for it, it has no-one to play with and share with but you. But two or more children have each other as well as you. And in fact, the more children you have it becomes relatively easier, because as they grow up, they can help you and each other.

Thirdly, some may say, my husband leaves the upbringing totally to me. We can understand the difficulty of such a mother. But still this is no reason to deny a child its existence by the use of contraception. Rather, the father needs to understand his responsibility as priest of the family, and he needs help to take that responsibility.

Fourthly, many claim it’s too expensive. But this, dear friends is pure unbelief. Do we believe the Bible is true and the Lord is trustworthy, when He says: but my God shall supply all your need according to his riches in glory by Christ Jesus (Phil. 4:19)? He declares (Ps. 50:10), for every beast of the forest is mine, and the cattle upon a thousand hills. It’s nothing to Him to provide for you in ways that you can never even imagine. Ask some parents with more than one child and you will soon find it out for yourself. Think of Ps. 37:25. Beloved parents, how we need to cry for grace not to listen to our own sinful reasoning and unbelieving heart, but rather simply hear and obey what God has said. And you will never find anyone who can say, I bowed my will and trusted in the Lord, and He has let me down! In fact, there’s only a multitude of testimonies to the opposite. His rich favour will be poured out upon you, if you seek in all your weakness to honour Him. May our prayer be with the disciples: Lord, increase our faith.

Fifthly, some say, it will damage the health of the woman. Such examples are exceptions and not the rule. The reason may be not taking care for your health, like a lack of good nutrition and not enough exercise. Pregnancy requires both father and mother to prepare and take good care of their health, as well as the health of the baby.

I understand the situation is complicated, but ultimately the real reason behind these arguments mentioned above is that we listen to the devil and not to God’s Word. The fact is that we want to keep everything in our own control. We cannot trust Him to care for our family. It’s as though we cannot imagine that God could have a better plan for our lives than we do for ourselves. But such a plan is so poor. The ‘success’ of your own plan for your family could actually be the greatest failure. We need grace from Christ to give up our idols, also the idol of the self-planned family. The devil hates children, but Christ says, suffer the little children to come unto me, for of such is the kingdom of God (Mar. 10:16). All truly godly mothers desire to have a godly seed. So our desire for offspring should not be just to have children, but like Hannah, to dedicate our children unto the LORD. We need to cry to God for grace to smash all our ungodly thinking about childbirth, and renew our thinking according to the mind of Christ (Rom. 12:2). The LORD declares throughout His Word that children are a blessing (Ps. 127:3, Ps. 128, Prov. 31:28). In Israel, to be childless was seen as a sign of the displeasure of God, but today it’s seen as a good thing. The godly woman is saved in childbearing (1 Tim. 2:15), declares Paul. God’s wonderful plan of salvation was fulfilled through women bearing children, because from the descendants of Israel the Messiah was born. Paul is saying in this text, let the woman be content to believe that by faith in the promises of God, she and her seed may be partakers of the grace of God. In conclusion, disobedience to God always means that we lose His blessing and favour, and brings affliction upon ourselves and others. There can be no true peace of conscience when we are not trusting all our concerns to Him. We are actually so poor, if we refuse what the Lord desires to give us.

g) The complementary roles of father and mother

Another threat to the Christian family is the idea of equality between man and woman. In modern thinking, men and women are the same, can do the same things, and have the same wishes. This is reflected in the education system. There is no difference between the state educational programs of boys and girls, as though their future role in society is going to be exactly the same. The only difference is the toilet. This is going completely against God’s order in creation. Men and women are created differently, because God’s purpose for them is different. This does not diminish the woman in any way, in fact it exalts her, if we understand it aright. She has been given a privilege which the man does not have: to be the bearer of and primary influence on the next generation.

Of course, we can caricature the differences between men and women, as though all boys like rough outside sports, and all girls like playing with dolls. This doesn’t recognize the variety within the male and female sex. But to ignore the differences entirely does no justice to the order that God has made in creation. Father and mother have been created by God to fulfil different roles in the upbringing of children. Through all the ages, it is clear that fathers and mothers have a different role in the upbringing of their children. If parents understand this difference in their role, and act accordingly, the complimentary roles of father and mother become much stronger and the child will thrive. They will develop a firm foundation, and a strong identity which will go with them throughout their lives.

In Genesis we read that God made man in His image, both man and woman. Before God made Eve, the name for man in Genesis is Adam (הָֽאָדָם ). The meaning is a person, a neutral name. But as soon as God takes the rib from Adam’s side and creates Eve, the name in Hebrew changes to ish (אִ֔ישׁ ) for man and the name for woman, isha (אִשָּׁ֔ה ). They only differ by the man having a yod and woman a hey. Together yod and hey form the shortened version of the name LORD: Yah (see Ps. 68:4). Thus together, the names of man and woman form the Name of God. This points us to the fact that man and woman together form the image of God, like two sides of a medal. They complement each other and are dependant on each other. Without the woman, man isn’t truly a man, and vice versa. Also in the upbringing of children, these complementary roles are seen. In Eph. 5:21, the believers at Ephesus are called to submit themselves to one another in the fear of God. In. v. 22-24, wives are to submit themselves to their husbands, as unto the Lord, because the husband is head of the wife, as Christ is head of the church. It’s like a double umbrella. The woman shelters under the protection of the man, and the man shelters beneath Christ. They both have their own responsibility and their own roles in the upbringing. The husband should love, protect and provide for his wife and children in all their needs. The wife should respect her husband and give him the place he has been appointed by God as head of the family. Each one applies his or her personality, attributes, gifts and talents to the task of upbringing, to serve one another in love and respect. From these combined roles of father and mother, the children will see the image of God reflected in their upbringing. This divine order of Christ, man and woman is also reflected in 1 Cor. 11, woman’s head covering in worship.

It’s not by chance that a child can only be formed by the coming together of man and woman. To develop in a healthy way, a child needs the influence of both masculine and feminine. We can summarize this as follows. Mothers influence the safe foundation of a child. From its mother a child learns how to speak, how to control its emotions, and how to consider others’ needs. By comforting, encouraging, correcting and protecting her child, she develops her child’s sense of safety and security. That’s why it’s so important that a baby has a lot of physical contact with mother in the first months and years of its life. Mothers have the privilege to teach their children most about the Lord, in a very natural way because they spend most of their time with their children. A mother can talk with her child as she feeds it, and nurtures it, when she goes out for a walk etc. She can teach it the histories of the Bible, and pray with it. There was a godly mother in the 19^th Century called Mary Winslow. She had ten children, and then her husband died. She brought each of her children up on her lap, praying with them, speaking to them and singing with them. The Lord gave her a promise that all her 10 children would be truly converted, and He fulfilled this promise.

From its father, a child learns how to go out into the world. The father has a great influence on the resiliency of a child, on its boundaries, physical development, and dealing with aggression. They learn to take risks, have adventures and to deal with confrontation. He also has the greatest influence on setting boundaries for the child, that is telling the child what is right and wrong, according to the Bible. We saw last week that the Greek word for fathers provoking their children to wrath in Eph. 6:4 has the meaning of going over the boundaries of someone’s land. Sons that show uncontrolled behaviour often have an absent father, or a father that doesn’t set clear boundaries. We see this role difference between father and mother clearly expressed in Jewish culture. At the age of 12, the fathers literally took their children out of the house, to the temple. Especially when the fathers don’t have God at the centre of their lives, and the Bible isn’t the guiding principle of the family, their children, especially sons, often leave the church.

For parents to provide a stable Biblical foundation for their children, they must deny themselves to stand together despite their own weaknesses and their partner’s weaknesses, to support their husband/wife in the upbringing of their children. This means parents should never criticize each other in the presence of their children. When they have a difference of opinion, they should wait until there is a moment to discuss the matter together when the children are not present, and try to come to a Biblical agreement. Even though the father may not be a natural leader, the challenge for the mother is to help and support her husband to fulfil the role that the Lord has given him, not to take it from him. For example, when there is a decision to be made about some principle, both parents should discuss it, but the father should implement the decision by informing the children. When the children sense that one parent has a different standpoint from the other, this only brings instability in the relationship between parents and child. We can think of the example of Isaac and Rebekah. Isaac’s fleshly love for Esau blinds him for the promises of God to Jacob (Gen. 25:23, 28). Although he knows that God has said that Jacob is the promised seed, he persists in favouring Esau, and wants to give him the birth right blessing (Gen. 27:7). Rebekah is concerned for the fulfilling of God’s promises of the Messiah. But she goes about it in a sinful way, encouraging Jacob to deceive his father to get the blessing. We see the consequences of this in the life of Jacob. Because he missed the love of his father, later in life he seeks to fulfil this lack of love by his idolatrous love for Rachel. But what a wonder that through it all, the LORD works out His divine purpose. Lea at first also makes an idol of bearing children (Gen. 29:32-34). But in the end, by grace her eyes of faith were fixed on the glory of God in the bearing of Judah, v. 35. That is truly the place of rest and peace!

h) Gods promises of blessing on faithful instruction of our children

The Puritans have left us a precious heritage of Biblical instruction and divine wisdom concerning the bringing up of children. They make clear that order in the family is very important. They also emphasize from the Scriptures that the sins of children are actually often the sins of their parents. Richard Greenham² says: we must prevent hardness of our children’s heart as soon as possible by godly and discreet correction and instruction. Children often have the sins of their parents, and therefore when they chasten them, parents should firstly consider if it is not a sin which they gave their child, and which they are now about to correct. If it is their own sin, they should first be humbled in themselves, and thus proceed to correct them with prayer, in the fear of God, in wisdom, love and with a desire for their conversion. They should remember that they are in some manner correcting their own sins in their children. By nature, man begets their children without regeneration, and thus propagates their sins, without some special blessing of God preventing it.

If we truly desire God’s eternal blessing on our children, then we must consider what the Word of God requires of us, both in its warnings and its encouragements. Consider Prov. 17:21. Many parents are full of sorrow if their children have some lack in this world, like a handicap or some social problem. But how few there are who are broken by the fact that their children are sinners against God, and are heading for everlasting torments. It shows that they love themselves more than their children. We see Job’s true godliness, that he rose early to pray for his 10 children and offer burnt offerings, in case they had sinned against God (Job 1:5).

For what reasons does the Lord afflict parents in their children, according to Puritan R. Greenham?³ Firstly the reason could be that we bring forth children without the knowledge of God, not mourning over our natural corruption, and not praying against our weaknesses which we may pass on to our children. Secondly, if we don’t take care to instruct and nurture our children in the ways of God. If we do not give them a good example at home, the instruction in the church and school will not profit them. This is because children are most influenced by bad examples, and the home is the greatest influence on them. Thirdly, we forget our own corruptions and our own failures in instructing our children, and are furious against our children for their disobedience. Fourthly, we correct them to serve our own corruptions, not grieved that they have sinned against God, but only that they have offended us. Fifthly, when man and woman are controlled by their raging lusts as brute beasts, and have no other purpose than to satisfy their carnal desires. They do not sanctify the marriage bed with prayer, and they have no care to build up the church of Christ by a godly seed. Then it is God’s just judgment on such parents to send them monsters for children, or else children who have good gifts of mind and body, but are wicked and graceless. Sixthly, parents often have disobedient children because they have been disobedient to the Lord, and did not honour their parents when they were young.

Thus when we see our children’s sins, rather than immediately being filled with anger against them, we should examine ourselves. If we discover their sins come from ourselves we should have a holy anger against ourselves, and seek repentance for our sins, and then discipline our children with tenderness and compassion. Perhaps we complain that the church is so weak. But if we began by grace with a true reformation of ourselves and our own families, we should see God’s blessing on our churches and on the land, said Richard Greenham. Good laws and pure churches, however important these are, will not bring a reformation, if there is no reformation begun in our families. If we desire to have a godly seed to fear Him, then we should seek grace to be as Abraham, who taught his family the ways of the Lord (Gen. 18:19), prayed for them, wherever he went built an altar unto the LORD (Gen. 12:7, 8, 13:4, 18). He humbled himself before God for his sins (Gen. 18:27). And he was ready to offer them that they might be a holy sacrifice to the Lord.⁴ His labours were blessed, and the LORD gave him a godly seed, even to a thousand generations. We know Abraham was also only a poor sinner saved by grace. In himself he was so weak: twice he lied to conceal the identity of Sara his wife, for fear of being killed. He disobeyed the Lord by listening to Sara and taking Hagar to be his wife. But despite his weakness and sin, he sought to honour the LORD as head of his family, and God saw this and remembered His covenant promises to Abraham. These are the same promises he has made to believing parents today (Acts 2:39). But if we are lazy and do not take our God-given responsibility, then we forfeit His blessing. We cannot expect He will hear our prayers, if we disobey His commandment to bring up our children in the fear and admonition of the Lord.

But you may object, didn’t godly David and Jacob have wicked children? And don’t ungodly parents sometimes bring forth godly children? How does this fit with the promises of God? This shows us that God’s promises are not universal, as though every child of godly parents is automatically included. Grace is not inherited, it is free, that is God gives it to whom He wills. Let us then be faithful to our duty as parents, that at death we would have a clear conscience, knowing that God is just in all His ways. Wicked children of godly faithful parents shall be punished for their own rebellion. As R.M. McCheyne said in a sermon, in heaven godly parents will worship God for the just condemnation of their ungodly children, and godly children in the condemnation of their wicked parents. But let us labour by faith with great expectation from our holy, just, righteous and most merciful God, that He has promised in Hab. 2:14, for the earth shall be filled with the glory of the LORD, as the waters cover the sea. As we conclude this training course, we would address dear parents. If you have never shed a tear for your own lost soul and for the soul of your children, may you begin today. When you go home, you may bow your knees in prayer together as a family and cry to God for mercy, cry to Him for the Spirit of Christ, cry to Him that He would make you a godly family where His Word and cross are at the centre. And dear prospective teachers, may you all be students in the school of Christ, learning of Him, and bearing a good testimony to Him before the students. May they see in you something of the love of Christ for the lost. And may our school be a place where the Holy Spirit dwells, according to His promise, Ps. 133, where brethren dwell together in unity, there the Lord commanded the blessing, even life for evermore. Amen.